By Chiom Gabriel
To what extent would you defend the one you love and protect him or her? Would you fight for his love or would you join those maligning him/her? Would you share in his shame,his low moments or would you look the other way and leave him to face it?In this edition, our contributor Nelson shares his love story with our readers .She was a whore but I loved her and kept her, Nelson, 35I knew from the first time I met Edwina that she was not telling me everything but I was bent on finding out who she really was and when I did, it was not something to write home about. Edwina told me she was a 200 level student at Lagos State University and lived at Iba Estate when I met her. I asked what I thought were the necessary questions and felt convinced that she was a Micro-Biology student like she told me. It took me about three years to find out the truth.
At the time Edwina was supposed to graduate, she did not and when I asked her, she said she went on probation for one year and that delayed her. The probation was supposed to be due to her poor academic performance in which case, she should have registered for another course after but she didn’t. Edwina kept coming up with one reason or the other for her long stay in the university. Besides, the occasional lecturers strike,mycalculations revealed she must have been in the university for about six years and yet had not completed her course of study.
I became worried about her and decided to help her out in the any I could because I came to the realisation that I really loved her. I got my younger sister who studied the Sciences to help her but after one week, my sister came to me to say she didn’t believe my girl was an undergraduate because she knew nothing about elementary sciences not to talk of Micro-Biology. I told her to give her more time and after three weeks, my sister sounded more convinced in her belief that Edwina could not have completed secondary school. I was baffled by my sister’s position because Edwina’s spoken English was rich. It got to the stage that Edwina lost interest in being coached by my sister. She complained my sister was harsh and asked her questions like a secondary school examiner. I realised that a monstrous enemity was developing between my sister and my girl. None of them had anything good to say about the other and to avoid being caught in the middle, I stopped Edwina from taking further lessons from my sister.
Apart from the many questions about her academic situation, Edwina appeared to be a nice girl. She was a very good cook and was wonderful in bed. Her character seemed okay to me and I decided to have her for keeps. The only area I needed to sort out was her academics. I also took cognisance of the fact that lecturers could set traps for a beautiful girl which could be responsible for the delay in her graduation.
One Saturday afternoon, my peeps came around and one of them said he was going to LASU to see a new girlfriend in the Faculty of Sciences. The new girlfriend turned out to be a 400 level Micro-Biology student and I jumped at the opportunity to meet someone that could be of help to Edwina. But to my greatest shock, the girlfriend didn’t know any Edwina but pointed out to me that there were many imposters in the universities who deceived their parents and loved ones into believing they were students.
Eventually, we took this matter to the department level but there was no name like hers. We checked other faculties. It took me over a month to uncover Edwina.She told me on a public holiday that she had lectures fixed by one of the lecturers and so, I offered to drive her to the lectures. But I returned soon after and saw Edwina hanging out alone. I approached my guy’s girlfriend and pointed her out as the student we were searching for but the girl laughed and asked me if I don’t know her, that she was a whore. I almost slapped her for saying that and before I knew it, I saw a big car stopped by and picked her. I ran as fast as my steps could carry me to stand in the middle of the road to stop the car. The guy driving came out and asked if I was mad but I told him he had my woman in his car and that I wanted her to come down. I ran to Edwina’s side but she kept a straight face, as if I dropped from the moon, as if she had never seen me. I was in tears pleading with her to come down but the guy drove off, calling me a stupid man for fighting over an ‘ashawo’.
I didn’t believe him still and I hoped Edwina would at least come to my house to pick her stuff but when she didn’t come after two weeks, I followed the direction she gave me initially to her brother’s place but discovered he knew nothing about her whereabout. I told him some of the things I found out but he said he wasn’t the one paying her school fees and wasn’t sure she was in school. He told me it would be a miracle if truly Edwina was an undergraduate because she dropped out of school in SS2 and nobody knew her whereabouts.But Edwina miscalculated. She must have been watching me because she came to my apartment in my absence to take her stuff and that was where I met her that day I visited her brother.
She threw herself down and wept like a baby while she begged for forgiveness saying she didn’t know how to tell me. She told me she went to the university hoping she would break through but did not succeed after many years. She said there are a lot of girls like her who parade themselves as undergraduates but are not.Some are into prostitution and all kinds of things but they always use the universities as their base.I didn’t sack her. We are still together and she sat for the last JAMB. By the grace of God, she will make it this year.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Monday, 10 August 2009
10 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE
Ten Things to Consider Before Marria
1।MARRIAGE IS A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT"So they are no longer two,but one।Therefore what God has joined together,let man not seperate।""Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard।But it was not this way from the beginning." Matthew 19:6-8.2.YOUR MARRIAGE WILL GO THROUGH TOUGH TIMES,BUT REMEMBER IT'S A LIFELONG COMMITMENT."Consider it pure joy,my brothers,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance." James 1:2.3.BE A SERVANT TO YOUR SPOUSE,PUTTING HER NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN"Love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude,it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs." 1Corithians 13:4-54.LEARN TO FORGIVE AND FORGET"For if you forgive men when they sin against you,your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their sins,your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15.5.ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE WRONG,AND SEEK RECONCILIATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE"Therefore,if you are offering a gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar.First go and be reconciled to your brother;then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24.6.MAKE PLANS TOGETHER,BUT DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THINGS DO NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU PLANNED."Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is His good,pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2.7.COMMUNICATE OFTEN,BUT DON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER.INSTEAD,TRY TO ENCOURAGE AND STRENGTHEN EACH OTHER.YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR PARTNER,BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF."Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, 'Brother,let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?You hypocrite,first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Luke 6:41-42.8.DON'T DEPEND ON YOUR PARTNER TO FILL ALL YOUR NEEDS.ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT."Cursed is the one who trusts in man,depends on flesh for his strength whose heart turns away from the LORD." Jeremiah 17:5 9. A HUSBAND MUST BE WILLING TO FILL HIS GOD-GIVEN ROLE"Husbands,love your wives,just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to Himself a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,but holy and blameless.In this same way,husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:25-28.10. A WIFE MUST BE WILLING TO FILL HER GOD-GIVEN ROLE"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,His body,of which He is the Saviour.Now as the church submits to Christ,so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24.
More ofsimilar articles on marriage,courtship,how TO choose a marriage partner,christian singles counseling at .naijachristiansingles.com/Forum
1।MARRIAGE IS A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT"So they are no longer two,but one।Therefore what God has joined together,let man not seperate।""Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard।But it was not this way from the beginning." Matthew 19:6-8.2.YOUR MARRIAGE WILL GO THROUGH TOUGH TIMES,BUT REMEMBER IT'S A LIFELONG COMMITMENT."Consider it pure joy,my brothers,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance." James 1:2.3.BE A SERVANT TO YOUR SPOUSE,PUTTING HER NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN"Love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude,it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs." 1Corithians 13:4-54.LEARN TO FORGIVE AND FORGET"For if you forgive men when they sin against you,your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their sins,your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15.5.ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE WRONG,AND SEEK RECONCILIATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE"Therefore,if you are offering a gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar.First go and be reconciled to your brother;then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24.6.MAKE PLANS TOGETHER,BUT DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THINGS DO NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU PLANNED."Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is His good,pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2.7.COMMUNICATE OFTEN,BUT DON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER.INSTEAD,TRY TO ENCOURAGE AND STRENGTHEN EACH OTHER.YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR PARTNER,BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF."Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, 'Brother,let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?You hypocrite,first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Luke 6:41-42.8.DON'T DEPEND ON YOUR PARTNER TO FILL ALL YOUR NEEDS.ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT."Cursed is the one who trusts in man,depends on flesh for his strength whose heart turns away from the LORD." Jeremiah 17:5 9. A HUSBAND MUST BE WILLING TO FILL HIS GOD-GIVEN ROLE"Husbands,love your wives,just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to Himself a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,but holy and blameless.In this same way,husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:25-28.10. A WIFE MUST BE WILLING TO FILL HER GOD-GIVEN ROLE"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,His body,of which He is the Saviour.Now as the church submits to Christ,so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24.
More ofsimilar articles on marriage,courtship,how TO choose a marriage partner,christian singles counseling at .naijachristiansingles.com/Forum
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Someone at the valley of decision...help needed!
Judith, (26) works at the Treasury Department of A Finance House. A few months ago, she could not visit her boyfriend Henry, a Banker, for a whole week because another girl was visiting. Her story:
I did not feel comfortable somehow, I felt quiet uneasy, so instead of waiting for him like I would have done, I locked up, put the key back under the door mat and went home. Funny enough, I didn’t leave any of the things (food) I had packed from my Aunty’s party. I mean, it was just unlike me.
Early the next morning, Henry came over to my pace looking quiet uneasy. He was on his annual leave, so, I wasn’t surprised to see him. But when he sat me down and said he had something important to tell me, I knew something was wrong.
He began telling me how wonderful our relationship had been since we started seven months ago. He said he had been happy because its been having positive effects on him.
My heart started to beat faster than normal. I thought he was going to propose to me. I wouldn’t have been surprised since we virtually live in each other homes. Then he told me “she has come”.
I didn’t need to ask whom, because I already knew. It was Shade, his girlfriend who lives in Kano. I have seen some letters written by her and, of course, he’d told me about her too. He said she just burst in on him and he met her at home, when he came back around 7.30pm the previous night.
He pleaded that I bear with him so he could handle the matter in his own way. That he would not want to end their relationship on a bad note for future purposes. He said Shade will be staying over for a week and in the period, I was to keep away from the flat.
I was really pissed off. I asked him what he expected me to do in the meantime. He told me to behave myself and act maturely, after all, we live in Lagos together.
Moreover, Shade knows about me as my things and photographs were all over the apartment. He insisted that he just wanted to settle the matter by himself and didn’t want me involved.
We spent the whole day together. It was a Monday, and he went back home around 10pm So was the pattern of our lives for the next four days. He will come in the morning and pick me, and we will spend the whole day together.
However, he will always go back home to sleep of course, and I will worry myself sick over what they might be doing together in the middle of the night.
Then on Friday morning, he said we were going to the flat. At first, I didn’t want to go, but when he insisted, I gave in. On getting there, I saw Shade’s things packed at a corner in his bedroom but she was no where to be found.
Then he told me that she had not come home for the past two days. According to him, she was visiting her sister and some friends.
We stayed in the house that day and in the evening, I prepared to go back home. That was when I received another shock.
I met Henry’s sister in the living room and she gave me a cold look, then she asked her brother slyly, “wey Shade”? Henry did not answer. I felt cold, insulted and betrayed. I have always been so nice to Gladys that I thought she was my friend.
When I greeted her she didn’t answer me but started scolding me about some clothes I had soaked for washing that Sunday morning before the ordeal began. I had to keep my cool or I would have said something that we might all regret later. When Henry took me home, I couldn’t help it anymore.
I had to tell him my mind and what I felt about his sister’s behaviour. He only continued to plead with me to ignore her, that he would speak to her.
Shade has not come back since then, while I have been searching for evidence to know whether she is still in touch.
All I have found is a letter. When I confronted him with it, he was mad with me. He accused me of trying to look for exhibits to nail him.
He claims he understands my anxiety and apprehensions about the whole thing, but he doesn’t want to do or say anything just to prove a point to me.
He claims he knows what he is doing, and he will do it when he wants to and not under pressure.
I have been trying to keep the episode behind me since then, but then, its not been easy as I keep suspecting him. The only advantage I think I have over Shade is the proximity between Henry and me, otherwise, Shade is probably the choice of his parents and siblings.
They have much in common, having grew up in the same environment and have common friends. The advantage of the proximity here all boils down to sex, which means I could use pregnancy as a bargaining chip. But that is if Henry allows it, or a mistake happens somewhere.
To make matters worse, I just overheard Gladys telling her friend that her brother is just using me for sexual pleasures and will not marry me.
I did not feel comfortable somehow, I felt quiet uneasy, so instead of waiting for him like I would have done, I locked up, put the key back under the door mat and went home. Funny enough, I didn’t leave any of the things (food) I had packed from my Aunty’s party. I mean, it was just unlike me.
Early the next morning, Henry came over to my pace looking quiet uneasy. He was on his annual leave, so, I wasn’t surprised to see him. But when he sat me down and said he had something important to tell me, I knew something was wrong.
He began telling me how wonderful our relationship had been since we started seven months ago. He said he had been happy because its been having positive effects on him.
My heart started to beat faster than normal. I thought he was going to propose to me. I wouldn’t have been surprised since we virtually live in each other homes. Then he told me “she has come”.
I didn’t need to ask whom, because I already knew. It was Shade, his girlfriend who lives in Kano. I have seen some letters written by her and, of course, he’d told me about her too. He said she just burst in on him and he met her at home, when he came back around 7.30pm the previous night.
He pleaded that I bear with him so he could handle the matter in his own way. That he would not want to end their relationship on a bad note for future purposes. He said Shade will be staying over for a week and in the period, I was to keep away from the flat.
I was really pissed off. I asked him what he expected me to do in the meantime. He told me to behave myself and act maturely, after all, we live in Lagos together.
Moreover, Shade knows about me as my things and photographs were all over the apartment. He insisted that he just wanted to settle the matter by himself and didn’t want me involved.
We spent the whole day together. It was a Monday, and he went back home around 10pm So was the pattern of our lives for the next four days. He will come in the morning and pick me, and we will spend the whole day together.
However, he will always go back home to sleep of course, and I will worry myself sick over what they might be doing together in the middle of the night.
Then on Friday morning, he said we were going to the flat. At first, I didn’t want to go, but when he insisted, I gave in. On getting there, I saw Shade’s things packed at a corner in his bedroom but she was no where to be found.
Then he told me that she had not come home for the past two days. According to him, she was visiting her sister and some friends.
We stayed in the house that day and in the evening, I prepared to go back home. That was when I received another shock.
I met Henry’s sister in the living room and she gave me a cold look, then she asked her brother slyly, “wey Shade”? Henry did not answer. I felt cold, insulted and betrayed. I have always been so nice to Gladys that I thought she was my friend.
When I greeted her she didn’t answer me but started scolding me about some clothes I had soaked for washing that Sunday morning before the ordeal began. I had to keep my cool or I would have said something that we might all regret later. When Henry took me home, I couldn’t help it anymore.
I had to tell him my mind and what I felt about his sister’s behaviour. He only continued to plead with me to ignore her, that he would speak to her.
Shade has not come back since then, while I have been searching for evidence to know whether she is still in touch.
All I have found is a letter. When I confronted him with it, he was mad with me. He accused me of trying to look for exhibits to nail him.
He claims he understands my anxiety and apprehensions about the whole thing, but he doesn’t want to do or say anything just to prove a point to me.
He claims he knows what he is doing, and he will do it when he wants to and not under pressure.
I have been trying to keep the episode behind me since then, but then, its not been easy as I keep suspecting him. The only advantage I think I have over Shade is the proximity between Henry and me, otherwise, Shade is probably the choice of his parents and siblings.
They have much in common, having grew up in the same environment and have common friends. The advantage of the proximity here all boils down to sex, which means I could use pregnancy as a bargaining chip. But that is if Henry allows it, or a mistake happens somewhere.
To make matters worse, I just overheard Gladys telling her friend that her brother is just using me for sexual pleasures and will not marry me.
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
Things To Consider If You Don't Want Divorce
You don't want divorce, but if your relationship is rocky and appears to be headed in that general direction, there are some things to consider, some steps you can take to prevent it. While they may not be completely successful, the tips in this article may help and are certainly worth a try if, truly, you don't want divorce.
If you don't want divorce, but your spouse has made his/her intentions clear, don't argue. Don't nag, don't whine, just remain quiet. Complaining or carrying on about how you don't want divorce is not going to help.
State your case simply, that you don't want divorce, and leave it at that. That's all you can do, really, without making matters worse. It might be possible to tell your partner-in a calm moment, of course-that all couples go through this sort of thing, or that counseling might help, but don't harp in these subjects.
If you go on and on about wanting to stay married, you will only make your partner's desire to get away even stronger. Instead of pushing them away, you can try to remind them why they were attracted to you in the first place, not verbally, but by being attractive and desirable again.
You can be assured, you are not being attractive when you are complaining. Have you ever wondered if nagging and complaining might have had something to do with the erosion of your partner's affection and dedication to your marriage?
You will, in effect, begin to court your partner again, if you don't want divorce. This means being attractive and pleasant all the time. How did you behave when the two of first started dating? Were you kind and thoughtful? That's the kind of conduct everyone is capable of, that's what wins people over. It's when the commitment to each other is made that niceties are relaxed and the anxieties people worked so hard to hide start to come out.
Put your worries and whining back in the closet and get back on your very best behavior.
Another ingredient to add in this mix is being congenial. You don't need to agree with everything but don't be argumentative, either. Being agreeable means allowing others to have their opinion without it affecting yours. Arguing your point all the time will make the partner feel like they can never do or say the right thing. That's hardly conducive when you don't want divorce in the picture.
So, if you don't want divorce, learn to allow your partner the space to have their own ideas and opinions and do not force yours down their throat. It's okay to have differing opinions and ideas. It's not okay to fight about who's right. What does it really matter who is right, anyway? If you don't want divorce, then learn to accept your partner as having different ideas.
Just because you don't want divorce does not mean you must change the way you think. It just means that you are working to rescue your relationship and anything that antagonizes the situation is out of the question. Keep your opinions, just keep them to yourself.
If you don't want divorce, then altering your ways for the time being will be required at least until the two of you learn how to get along better.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Danny_Walton
If you don't want divorce, but your spouse has made his/her intentions clear, don't argue. Don't nag, don't whine, just remain quiet. Complaining or carrying on about how you don't want divorce is not going to help.
State your case simply, that you don't want divorce, and leave it at that. That's all you can do, really, without making matters worse. It might be possible to tell your partner-in a calm moment, of course-that all couples go through this sort of thing, or that counseling might help, but don't harp in these subjects.
If you go on and on about wanting to stay married, you will only make your partner's desire to get away even stronger. Instead of pushing them away, you can try to remind them why they were attracted to you in the first place, not verbally, but by being attractive and desirable again.
You can be assured, you are not being attractive when you are complaining. Have you ever wondered if nagging and complaining might have had something to do with the erosion of your partner's affection and dedication to your marriage?
You will, in effect, begin to court your partner again, if you don't want divorce. This means being attractive and pleasant all the time. How did you behave when the two of first started dating? Were you kind and thoughtful? That's the kind of conduct everyone is capable of, that's what wins people over. It's when the commitment to each other is made that niceties are relaxed and the anxieties people worked so hard to hide start to come out.
Put your worries and whining back in the closet and get back on your very best behavior.
Another ingredient to add in this mix is being congenial. You don't need to agree with everything but don't be argumentative, either. Being agreeable means allowing others to have their opinion without it affecting yours. Arguing your point all the time will make the partner feel like they can never do or say the right thing. That's hardly conducive when you don't want divorce in the picture.
So, if you don't want divorce, learn to allow your partner the space to have their own ideas and opinions and do not force yours down their throat. It's okay to have differing opinions and ideas. It's not okay to fight about who's right. What does it really matter who is right, anyway? If you don't want divorce, then learn to accept your partner as having different ideas.
Just because you don't want divorce does not mean you must change the way you think. It just means that you are working to rescue your relationship and anything that antagonizes the situation is out of the question. Keep your opinions, just keep them to yourself.
If you don't want divorce, then altering your ways for the time being will be required at least until the two of you learn how to get along better.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Danny_Walton
Friday, 26 June 2009
SAVE A MARRIAGE ADVICE-3 Tips To Help You Rekindle Your Love
A lot of marriage failed because couples do not take responsibility for the role that they play in a relationship. Very often, blaming the other instead of oneself become the favourite pastime of couples and when there are conflicts, they choose the most convenient mean - walking away instead of trying to save the marriage!
Apparently these couples have short term memories because they are the same individuals who have vowed to support and to love each other through thick and thin! However, divorce has now become an easy way out for people who do not have the courage to salvage what deserves to be salvaged. When couples go through a divorce, they channel all their energies into accusing each other of causing hurt and disharmony in the marriage. They forget that in the process, their children are the ones most deeply hurt! If they have channeled their energies to save the marriage, more than one human being is saved!
So is it possible to save your marriage? Yes, if you had loved each other in the first place, you will definitely be able to rekindle the love and here are 3 ways in which you can save your marriage.
1. Share financial responsibilities Many married couples forget that it takes two hands to clap so now that they are married, both party should be responsible for the family financially. Being married means you are united as one so you should shoulder the burden of raising a family together.
Find out each others' spending style and come to a compromise on how best you can save and at the same time not have to sting on yourself. Spend some time to prioritize what is important to you and to your family, especially if you have children. You need to come to a mutual agreement on how you can divide out the burden of financial responsibility.
2. Never go to bed angry I strongly believe that this is very sound advice to building a lasting relationship because you and your spouse are two very different individuals so there are bound to be conflicts. The important point is that you must find ways to resolve those conflicts. By all means take time off to cool down but after a storm, both of you have to sit down and discuss the issue together. You have to listen to each other and find a solution or come to a compromise but never leave the fight overnight.
It is very unhealthy to go to bed angry and you will only cause a drift in the relationship if you do not try to resolve your problem first. After which, you should forget about the fight and make up for it in bed. It is vital to forget about the problem after the fight had been resolved if you want to save your marriage.
3. Plan time for romance Many married couples forget to plan a time for romance, especially if they have children. In order for a marriage to last long, it is important not to forget to spend time to be intimate. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the start of a whole new life together. If you sense that something is not right in your relationship, you need to make time for each other so that you can save your marriage.
People are constantly busy nowadays so if you do not find time for your spouse so as to rekindle the love in your relationship, it will hit trouble. It is definitely not worthwhile to spend all your time carving out a career for your family only to discover that you have lost your marriage in the end!
The above are just 3 of the 15 tips in the ebook "15 Steps Towards Improving Your Marriage". Simply apply the strategies in the ebook which you can download immediately and you are on your way to saving your marriage. Don't wait till it's too late to start saving your marriage. You deserve a better life than the present agony and suffering that you are going through. If you have children, you must remember that you are not suffering alone! You do not want your failed marriage to affect your children's psychological development! Seeking the right advice from the right people will help you to save your marriage and start life afresh with your spouse. All you have to do is to take action now and log on to Stella's website at http://www.stellamak.com/recommend/savemarriagetips.html.
You can also grab your 10 ecourse on "Discover the tips to saving your marriage" on Stella's blog at http://www.savemarriage.expertreviewslist.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Stella_Mak
Apparently these couples have short term memories because they are the same individuals who have vowed to support and to love each other through thick and thin! However, divorce has now become an easy way out for people who do not have the courage to salvage what deserves to be salvaged. When couples go through a divorce, they channel all their energies into accusing each other of causing hurt and disharmony in the marriage. They forget that in the process, their children are the ones most deeply hurt! If they have channeled their energies to save the marriage, more than one human being is saved!
So is it possible to save your marriage? Yes, if you had loved each other in the first place, you will definitely be able to rekindle the love and here are 3 ways in which you can save your marriage.
1. Share financial responsibilities Many married couples forget that it takes two hands to clap so now that they are married, both party should be responsible for the family financially. Being married means you are united as one so you should shoulder the burden of raising a family together.
Find out each others' spending style and come to a compromise on how best you can save and at the same time not have to sting on yourself. Spend some time to prioritize what is important to you and to your family, especially if you have children. You need to come to a mutual agreement on how you can divide out the burden of financial responsibility.
2. Never go to bed angry I strongly believe that this is very sound advice to building a lasting relationship because you and your spouse are two very different individuals so there are bound to be conflicts. The important point is that you must find ways to resolve those conflicts. By all means take time off to cool down but after a storm, both of you have to sit down and discuss the issue together. You have to listen to each other and find a solution or come to a compromise but never leave the fight overnight.
It is very unhealthy to go to bed angry and you will only cause a drift in the relationship if you do not try to resolve your problem first. After which, you should forget about the fight and make up for it in bed. It is vital to forget about the problem after the fight had been resolved if you want to save your marriage.
3. Plan time for romance Many married couples forget to plan a time for romance, especially if they have children. In order for a marriage to last long, it is important not to forget to spend time to be intimate. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the start of a whole new life together. If you sense that something is not right in your relationship, you need to make time for each other so that you can save your marriage.
People are constantly busy nowadays so if you do not find time for your spouse so as to rekindle the love in your relationship, it will hit trouble. It is definitely not worthwhile to spend all your time carving out a career for your family only to discover that you have lost your marriage in the end!
The above are just 3 of the 15 tips in the ebook "15 Steps Towards Improving Your Marriage". Simply apply the strategies in the ebook which you can download immediately and you are on your way to saving your marriage. Don't wait till it's too late to start saving your marriage. You deserve a better life than the present agony and suffering that you are going through. If you have children, you must remember that you are not suffering alone! You do not want your failed marriage to affect your children's psychological development! Seeking the right advice from the right people will help you to save your marriage and start life afresh with your spouse. All you have to do is to take action now and log on to Stella's website at http://www.stellamak.com/recommend/savemarriagetips.html.
You can also grab your 10 ecourse on "Discover the tips to saving your marriage" on Stella's blog at http://www.savemarriage.expertreviewslist.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Stella_Mak
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?
The answer is a resounding "YES!"
I've received thousands of letters from people throughout the world who conquered distance in their relationships and now live happily ever after!
Shortly after I graduated from school, I experienced a long distance relationship. After graduation, I discovered that there were no relationship help or relationship advice books written on long distance love & relationships, overcoming long distance, relationship problems in long distance relationships, long distance romance, marriages or dating ...
Even though millions of people like me were going through the same thing!
Everyone told me my relationship couldn't work ...but that's not true...and I wanted to share that with other couples
There are things that youcan do to LOVE your long distance relationship!
Distance is not the end of the world in a relationship
Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.
Although you may feel like you are losing faith in your relationship at times, hold fast and trust your heart!
I, like you, truly believe that love & relationships are what make your life special, and that ones built on love & understanding are always worth preserving, regardless of the miles that may separate two people.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
All across the world, there are couples just like you who are crazy about each other but are forced by circumstance to live apart...
University students try to concentrate while writing love letters on the Internet to "hometown honeys"...
Executives climb the corporate ladder while their true love waits for their call hundreds of miles away...
Members of our armed forces who protect freedom worldwide...
New lovers who meet while browsing online dating communities ...
Even Hollywood stars, who must sustain love & relationships and marriages while making movies in different countries...
Commuter marriages, online dating, bicoastal romance, long distance love on the Internet...
The fact is that more than 10 million couples worldwide are coping with long distance relationships ... and that number is increasing daily!
In the Loving Your Long Distance Relationship series you'll find valuable relationship advice and discover the secrets to keeping love hot, avoiding relationship problems, and escaping temptation
_________________________________________________
I loved reading your book! Do you know that I started crying once I began reading your introduction? It described my emotions to a "T"Mayra, California, USA
I loved your book, thank you soooooo much! You helped me to believe that I'm going to have a future with my long-distance relationship.Chiara, Milano, Italy
_________________________________________________
Inside Loving Your Long Distance Relationship you'll find relationship help, relationship advice, & tips on ...
How to cope with saying goodbye again and again
The emotional stages of a long distance relationship
Ways to combat out-of-sight / out-of-mind temptations
The key to preventing phone arguments
Fascinating stories of people living apart & making it work
How living apart can actually strengthen a relationship
Why long distance love is different for Women versus Men
Warning signs that your relationship may be ending
After reading Loving Your Long Distance Relationship you'll be able to avoid potential relationship problems ...and realize how easy it is to stay together while you're apart from the one you love
Need a copy of this great e-Book, go to: - http://tinyurl.com/mpsa5c
I've received thousands of letters from people throughout the world who conquered distance in their relationships and now live happily ever after!
Shortly after I graduated from school, I experienced a long distance relationship. After graduation, I discovered that there were no relationship help or relationship advice books written on long distance love & relationships, overcoming long distance, relationship problems in long distance relationships, long distance romance, marriages or dating ...
Even though millions of people like me were going through the same thing!
Everyone told me my relationship couldn't work ...but that's not true...and I wanted to share that with other couples
There are things that youcan do to LOVE your long distance relationship!
Distance is not the end of the world in a relationship
Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.
Although you may feel like you are losing faith in your relationship at times, hold fast and trust your heart!
I, like you, truly believe that love & relationships are what make your life special, and that ones built on love & understanding are always worth preserving, regardless of the miles that may separate two people.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
All across the world, there are couples just like you who are crazy about each other but are forced by circumstance to live apart...
University students try to concentrate while writing love letters on the Internet to "hometown honeys"...
Executives climb the corporate ladder while their true love waits for their call hundreds of miles away...
Members of our armed forces who protect freedom worldwide...
New lovers who meet while browsing online dating communities ...
Even Hollywood stars, who must sustain love & relationships and marriages while making movies in different countries...
Commuter marriages, online dating, bicoastal romance, long distance love on the Internet...
The fact is that more than 10 million couples worldwide are coping with long distance relationships ... and that number is increasing daily!
In the Loving Your Long Distance Relationship series you'll find valuable relationship advice and discover the secrets to keeping love hot, avoiding relationship problems, and escaping temptation
_________________________________________________
I loved reading your book! Do you know that I started crying once I began reading your introduction? It described my emotions to a "T"Mayra, California, USA
I loved your book, thank you soooooo much! You helped me to believe that I'm going to have a future with my long-distance relationship.Chiara, Milano, Italy
_________________________________________________
Inside Loving Your Long Distance Relationship you'll find relationship help, relationship advice, & tips on ...
How to cope with saying goodbye again and again
The emotional stages of a long distance relationship
Ways to combat out-of-sight / out-of-mind temptations
The key to preventing phone arguments
Fascinating stories of people living apart & making it work
How living apart can actually strengthen a relationship
Why long distance love is different for Women versus Men
Warning signs that your relationship may be ending
After reading Loving Your Long Distance Relationship you'll be able to avoid potential relationship problems ...and realize how easy it is to stay together while you're apart from the one you love
Need a copy of this great e-Book, go to: - http://tinyurl.com/mpsa5c
Fix Your Troubled Marriage!
Are you living in a troubled marriage? Are you bummed, because your marriage is not that perfect marriage you visualized for you and your partner? We are going to tell you something you should know, but if you don't, you are not alone। There is no such thing as a perfect marriage। Well, maybe on television, but not in real life. While there are no perfect marriages, there are lots of troubled marriages. That's probably not a great deal of help to you; unless it makes you feel better that you are not alone.
There are several issues that can help give rise to problems in a marriage। A vast majority of the big problems faced in a troubled marriage are because one or a number of little problems, have not been dealt with so they got significantly bigger। It can be explained by the famous line from the movie, Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman। "What we've got here is a failure to communicate." By not communicating, the partners in the marriage allow an issue to fester and grow until it becomes big enough to lead to a troubled marriage.
You have to face it, communication in a marriage is like the oxygen you need for breathing। If oxygen is removed from a fire, it goes out. Maybe that is what happened to the passion in your marriage. If a person stops breathing, they need CPR or they die. If couples stop communicating, it is the marriage that needs resuscitation. Without it, you can't expect to save your marriage and it will die.
If you find yourself in this situation, you need to get realistic। Accept the truth that there is no perfect marriage and that the responsibility to open a line of communication with your partner rests with you. There is really no upside to a competition between partners based on the "cold shoulder" method of communication and this can be a common marriage problem. If you are not willing to be the first one to speak but then blame your partner for not talking to you, think about it, that's just plain crazy!
Once you get realistic and become responsible for the sharing and communication necessary to deal with the issues in your troubled marriage, you well be helping to resuscitate and hopefully, save your marriage। Once the line of communication is open, each partner must be willing to help identify and recognize the things that are troubling the marriage.
After each partner has shared their communication around the issues they see as marriage problems, then both partners have to start the work to identify what can be done to fix that problem in your marriage। This is where the most critical step to saving your troubled marriage comes in to the mix. You are actually sharing solutions you see that can save your marriage and it is so important simply because it is not easy.
This critical step is about getting agreements। No solution is worth even a dime if both partners can't agree that it is in fact, a solution. Take the time to get firm agreement because if one of you isn't truly committed to this solution, you do not have an agreement! When an agreement is reached, you have come to the most important step. Write It Down! Once you have the list of agreements, make a copy for each partner. One of your agreements should be that each of you will put it in a prominent place where they will see it on a regular basis and that you will come together regularly to review it over an agreed on period of time.
While finding a solution like developing firm agreements, can be a very difficult task, it is of immediate and critical importance that you be willing to secure the tools and resources that can support you in saving your marriage। Fortunately Amy Waterman and Richard Wheeler have created a step by step guide for you to follow and save your marriage. Their program has several tools and activities, like agreement sharing, that will help you save your marriage right now.
This guide is called Save My Marriage Today, and it has all the techniques necessary to enable you to facilitate resolving conflicts, increase self esteem, learn about forgiveness, and re-ignite the passion that you both once felt, all within the privacy and comfort of your own home. Save yourself the time and embarrassment of explaining it all to a counselor. Get the answers to your most urgent issues right now! You are the best one to save your marriage. Let us show you how. It may be the best advice you have ever had!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carol_Ann_James
There are several issues that can help give rise to problems in a marriage। A vast majority of the big problems faced in a troubled marriage are because one or a number of little problems, have not been dealt with so they got significantly bigger। It can be explained by the famous line from the movie, Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman। "What we've got here is a failure to communicate." By not communicating, the partners in the marriage allow an issue to fester and grow until it becomes big enough to lead to a troubled marriage.
You have to face it, communication in a marriage is like the oxygen you need for breathing। If oxygen is removed from a fire, it goes out. Maybe that is what happened to the passion in your marriage. If a person stops breathing, they need CPR or they die. If couples stop communicating, it is the marriage that needs resuscitation. Without it, you can't expect to save your marriage and it will die.
If you find yourself in this situation, you need to get realistic। Accept the truth that there is no perfect marriage and that the responsibility to open a line of communication with your partner rests with you. There is really no upside to a competition between partners based on the "cold shoulder" method of communication and this can be a common marriage problem. If you are not willing to be the first one to speak but then blame your partner for not talking to you, think about it, that's just plain crazy!
Once you get realistic and become responsible for the sharing and communication necessary to deal with the issues in your troubled marriage, you well be helping to resuscitate and hopefully, save your marriage। Once the line of communication is open, each partner must be willing to help identify and recognize the things that are troubling the marriage.
After each partner has shared their communication around the issues they see as marriage problems, then both partners have to start the work to identify what can be done to fix that problem in your marriage। This is where the most critical step to saving your troubled marriage comes in to the mix. You are actually sharing solutions you see that can save your marriage and it is so important simply because it is not easy.
This critical step is about getting agreements। No solution is worth even a dime if both partners can't agree that it is in fact, a solution. Take the time to get firm agreement because if one of you isn't truly committed to this solution, you do not have an agreement! When an agreement is reached, you have come to the most important step. Write It Down! Once you have the list of agreements, make a copy for each partner. One of your agreements should be that each of you will put it in a prominent place where they will see it on a regular basis and that you will come together regularly to review it over an agreed on period of time.
While finding a solution like developing firm agreements, can be a very difficult task, it is of immediate and critical importance that you be willing to secure the tools and resources that can support you in saving your marriage। Fortunately Amy Waterman and Richard Wheeler have created a step by step guide for you to follow and save your marriage. Their program has several tools and activities, like agreement sharing, that will help you save your marriage right now.
This guide is called Save My Marriage Today, and it has all the techniques necessary to enable you to facilitate resolving conflicts, increase self esteem, learn about forgiveness, and re-ignite the passion that you both once felt, all within the privacy and comfort of your own home. Save yourself the time and embarrassment of explaining it all to a counselor. Get the answers to your most urgent issues right now! You are the best one to save your marriage. Let us show you how. It may be the best advice you have ever had!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carol_Ann_James
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